a lizard changed my life
🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎
Yes, it was merely a lone reptile that had the profound impact on my life that I desperately needed.
… and before you go on thinking, “this GIRL HAS RELLLY LOST IT,” HEAR ME OUT.
Let’s back it up real quick. I took six weeks off of all of my work — podcast recording, writing these newsletters, putting out social media content, etc.
THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE + UNDERSTANDING! 😘😘
It may sound extreme to some and not doable to others, but I knew it was necessary if I was going to continue to drive this ship.
Let’s back it up a wee bit further. I became a new mom 12 months ago — and when that shift happened, I took no REAL breaks, instead, I split and kept going in two DIFFERENT directions.
It probably wasn’t obvious to you because it only recently became TOO OBVIOUS TO IGNORE to me.
In one direction, I was FULL ON (super) MOM, and back at my desk, I was “work-me”— the same continued version of who I was pre-becoming-a-new-mom that the world knew and applauded.
On a deep level, I now realize I was operating from FEAR: fear that being a mom would take me down. That by being all of me, I’d offend, lose listeners/readers, and lose my “likeability.”
Trying to survive at work and be successful, I did what I think most would do — I KEPT following the path I had laid before and did what had previously “worked.”
This "worked" in theory. I side-stepped my fear of “failing”— financially, my work year was a "success" by my own measures, and yet, I'd be lying if I said I felt focused, clear on my passions, and more importantly, MY PURPOSE IN WHAT I PUT INTO THE UNIVERSE AT ALL TIMES.
The internet is a loud place, and it's only getting louder with algorithms and their everchanging demands of what it takes to stay “relevant,” not to mention how many different social media platforms we’re expected to produce content for. I’M TIRED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!
While I greatly respect my co-creators who are out there playing the game and thriving, I know that doesn't work for me. In fact, working in that capacity BLEEDS out my creativity, my soul work, and disconnects me from my purpose. I digress.
The point is, the world doesn't need another person ejecting themselves into the public for no reason, and while some of you may argue that I do have a reason (thank you very much!!), the truth is, I had lost sight of it.
It was time to stop trucking and pull this ship over to assess the insides.
To do this, I needed actual time off. SPACE TO EXPLORE, reimagine, and be creative without having to turn it into the world.
I needed undocumented time to exist unpreserved by photo/video proof.
This time off wasn’t all pretty. I actually dealt/am dealing with some health stuff that has come up as a result of letting the subconscious rise— but we’ll save the topic of healing for another time and stick to lizards today!
Before I left you over a month ago, I mentioned my words for August were Integration, Integrity, and Introspection. That word integration just kept on coming up for me, and now I know why.
I kicked off the month with a ME-TREAT — a trip alone where I got to
a) sleep without a monitor next to my head (for the first time in a month!!),
b) be off "duty" of being a mom in the physical capacity,
and,
c) have a few days to live by the seams of my pants just like young LiLi.
You can catch up on my ME TREAT in this week's podcast, where I share the healing modalities I used, where I went, and where I'm going as a person as a result.
A significant intention of the trip was not to pack my schedule and instead flow and go with the wind — well, the wind took me to an open house for a house I'm not in the market for buying.
Upon leaving this adorable two-bedroom abode, I noticed a WACKA$$ LOOKING LIZARD on the window. Now, I went to school in Florida, and I've seen a lot of lizards... but this lizard was wearing a COAT!?!?!
At first, I thought this could just be a high-fashion lizard. Then, I began to worry that it was trapped in some sort of plastic lining. But then, I noticed that it was NIBBLING away at this layer of something that was PERFECTLY the shape of its silhouette.
I called (okay, I shrieked) for the real estate agent, asking her if she'd ever seen this. She was as shocked as I was.
While I knew lizards shed layers of skin, I DEFINITELY DID NOT KNOW THAT LIZARDS SOMETIMES EAT THIS LAYER TOO.
THE 💡 WENT OFF FOR ME.
THIS IS INTEGRATION AT ITS FINEST — THE PERFECT METAPHOR FOR HOW WE CAN GROW, RELEASE, AND STILL TAKE PARTS OF US WITH US AS WE BECOME THE NEXT VERSIONS OF OURSELVES.
I NOW KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO DO.
LiLi2.0, as we've been calling her, isn't REALLY a brand new person; she's just no longer trying to be two people.
As a mom, I've become SCARILY instinctual and intuitive. I literally know when things are going to happen before they happen, and my gut leads me right nine times out of ten. I speak with conviction regarding my truths, and I am quite frankly, A FORCE YOU DON’T WANT TO MESS WITH.
But as a "person who shows up on the internet," have I brought that forth? No, I haven't. Because I was afraid. Afraid to be someone that the world may not like.
And that's why I'm eating my skin (so to speak), like my INSPIRATION-WORTHY lizard friend!
Now that I’m CRYSTAL CLEAR, I know that the only thing that matters is that I live with INTEGRITY and that I LIKE ME. The opinions of others do not bother me because I’ve gotten to the root of myself, and alignment drives out all feelings of self-doubt. When you truly LIKE WHO YOU ARE, you lose interest in counting who else does, too.
So yes, I am different, I am new, but the truth is I'm JUST WHOLE.
I've got a bunch of life updates, but this newsletter is getting long — so for now, I'll leave you with this inspiration and HOT WELLNESS TIP YOU PROBABLY WON’T GET ANYWHERE ELSSE, to eat your skin. 😂😂😂
SERIOUSLY, Don't be afraid to become your next self. It doesn't mean you have to abandon who you were, in fact, it means you shouldn't. Take your magic with you – BECAUSE THIS WORLD NEEDS ALL OF YOU.
with gratitude, LiLi 2.0
p.s. I’m going to put the picture of the lizard on my Instagram- leave your comments of bewilderment below it — this will tell me you’re part of this special club I get to call my newsletter friends :)
